Cheezland

By the cheezpeeps, for the cheezpeeps!

Not around lately

Home Forums Srs stuff Not around lately

This topic contains 183 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  noodle 8 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 184 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #53551 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    I’ve been hesitant to get into this, but it’s being persistent. Possibly, this will sound whiny, Idunno. Yep, my anxiety/depression is ramping up, and my anxiety has devised a particularly cruel new technique that’s messing me up badly. My usual worst triggers are heavily about animals, especially cats, suffering. Intense protectiveness of my own trio is a given, they’re my kids, and my sensitivity to them has helped before (doesn’t mean the little brats don’t hide things anyway!).

    In a nutshell: even when my mood is crashing, I can still enjoy watching my purrkids be happy spoiled beasties, even just in small everyday things. Right now, even something as simple as Trick having a drink of water or Cory being a dramabear twenty minutes before mealtime leads to an uncontrollable flood of ghastly nightmare images of them, and then other cats, in pain or fear or a million other kinds of misery. Logic doesn’t work, I can’t reason it away because I know that the bad things are happening to living, feeling, innocent cats right now and there is nothing at all I can do. Of course, I can do even less when I’m practically paralyzed. And these are very vivid images. I’ve spent 3 decades intensely training my imagination for writing realistic scenes and filling in details gathered from multiple sources, after all. Oh yeah, and did I mention being an empath? Define that however you like, I define it differently on different days.

    Which leaves me passing out only when I’m too exhausted to stay awake, while listening to the old Hitch-hiker’s Guide radio show or various podcasts so I have some kind of distraction. The rest of the time I’m playing computer games to numb my brain, or when I can, I’m burying myself writing things that I don’t even care if they’re any good as long as I can escape. I actually wrote a description of what happens in my head, then removed it as unnecessarily graphic. I can understand why someone might do absolutely anything to just make it all stop… I won’t, don’t worry, zero chance, because the most horrible images of all are of Cory without me.

    Anyway. It’s stupid and frustrating and draining. I took a one-year vet assistant program almost a decade ago in hopes of being able to help cats who needed it. Less than 3 months at the local “humane” society completely shattered the already cracked stuff inside of my head. And now I can’t do anything. I can’t even concentrate to make cat toys to donate, can’t volunteer in person… which just makes me hate myself, and that doesn’t help. This new twist means that I can’t even just take joy in the fact that these three, at least, are safe and loved and happy. I’m technically still around, but since even the odd lol makes me cringe – no, you can’t predict it – not exactly active. But then, I’ve got nothing to offer right now, and I’m hiding from pretty much everyone and everything. I’m really not fit for human company, but somehow Jackie puts up with me anyway. But Cheezland isn’t going anywhere, and this stuff ends, eventually. I really hope this one ends soon and never comes back. I just may be a tad quiet until it does.

    #53552 Reply

    annipuss
    Moderator

    My dear friend, I’m sorry you are feeling so bad. Noting I can think of to help except that we all love you and send beems of comfort {{{{{{{{Prysma}}}}}}}}}

    #53554 Reply

    Shepmom

    {{{{{{{{{{PK}}}}}}}}}}
    Email on the way…

    #53555 Reply

    Noodle

    Oh mai dear prsyma. You must be suffering terribly right now. I am so sorry you feel so bad but am glad you trust us enough to let us know. You are not alone, ever, I love you lots and sew due all cheezpeeps evriware. You will feel better again, I promise. That certainty is what I hold onto when I despair of feeling good when I am down low.. much. Love to you and Jackie and the furbabies. {{{{{Prysma}}}}

    #53573 Reply

    maryqos
    Moderator

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{PK}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    I’ll be thinking of you while I’m gone.

    Cheezpeeps, I will be away frum teh land uf cheese fore nawt ate oar sew dais, SYL xxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooo

    #53613 Reply

    Lungdoc

    We all hope you feel better soon, friend Prysma.
    *Sends beems from New Mexico Very Large Array Beemerator, beem beem*

    #53616 Reply

    puddy_tat

    blargh

    hope you’re feline better soon

    {{{{ Prysma }}}}

    #53640 Reply

    short1fry

    {{{{{{{{{{Prysma}}}}}}}}}}
    see eemewow

    #54206 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Um… still alive… but not a great month.

    Turned out a previous dentist messed up a root canal and I had to have the tooth pulled. Sedated, because with my anxiety, no way otherwise. Then had a nasty reaction to the antibiotics they gave me. Now, maybe because of defences being down, I’ve got a cold that’s kicking my tail.

    Plus, Jackie has her next court date an the end of the month, probably the next-to-last one, and we’re both a tad anxious. Hard to be certain about the future with that still hanging over us.

    Oh, and turns out Cory-Bear has to has at least one tooth pulled. We caught sighs of discomfort so fast the vet was surprised, so he’s okay for a while – we’ve got him on low-dose metacam and we’re dropping the crunchies even more since that’s the only thing causing him pain. He’s not hurting. But somehow we eventually have to come up with a whole bunch of monies. Aifinkso, at least in VLC, being a responsible kitteh minion is becoming a srs luxury even if you don’t have legal-related expenses. *sigh* Awsum v-e-t looking into any available help – she doesn’t like it either and is trying to help.

    Anyway, sorry. Not feeling very talkative still, but still around!

    #54207 Reply

    Noodle

    Ah, gud two see your post. We cheezpeeps haz a fierce luv four u. ‘smoooches’ ‘very gentle smooches’.

    #54213 Reply

    annipuss
    Moderator

    Thanks for the update, Prysma – I was wondering how things were. Wish I could do more than offer beems and lubs.

    #54214 Reply

    maryqos

    me tew, sorrie abowt awl teh toofie fings. ugh.
    Deer CC, please tew eeze teh stress awn PK an JE an kitteh fambly. k?

    #54689 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Mm, yeah. so… Jackie on phone with lawyer for pre-court-date stuff (27th-28th, next-to-last).

    So, on top of Cory’s tooth situation, looks like Jackie’s Down There surgery is having complications. Actually, they started before the court stuff did, and it took us literally months to find a doctor locally who was willing to get involved at all. (ER doc: “not looking, not doing anything, no experience, bye.” “Um, but, maybe you could find someone else who could… why are you shoving us out the door?” Just as one example.) Nice gyne doc is actually starting a trans clinic, really like her lots. It’s looking like Jackie’s going to have to go back to Montreal for further surgery to fix whatever went wrong. *sigh At least travel and all will be covered as a medical expense, but it’s another major stress.

    As for Cory’s tooth, he’s managing fine on about half the crunchies and on low-dose metacam every other day. Which is good, because CC knows when we can handle that.

    I really am sorry about being quiet. When my anxiety and depression are high, it’s really hard to get out of my own head. So when I’m stuck in there anyway, I can sorta run away sometimes into my own worlds and write to escape – even if poor stuff that I would never release. And it’s really hard to climb out and just feel social, no matter how much I love my friends or how much I worry about them going through bad stuff of their own (this means you, mqos…). Plus, of course, I’m terrified of what’s going to happen to Jackie, me, and my kids if the system fails and a court decides she did bad things. Not helping with the depression/anxiety. Also, I’m still physically exhausted from being sick and all, and keep falling asleep. *sigh* Housework hasn’t hit a low like this in quite a while. Neither has my sociability level.

    Anyway, thanks muchly for putting up with me and being my friends still and being awesome. Things might get a little erratic next week (court 27-28th) but I’ll make sure there’s always something. And I’ll try to keep you posted.

    #54690 Reply

    Noodle

    Oh My. I am sorry u is feelin sew bad. Prysma, lots and lots of love and support heading to you and Jackie an ur furr kids. Please take care of yourself nawt secund. Cheezland stands as wun with you. Love from da noodle.

    #54691 Reply

    maryqos
    Moderator

    {{{{{{{{{{{PK & Jackie & furrbabies}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    ai hoep Jackie’s “down thare” stuff gets awl straitened owt wif a kwick an eazieness.
    stress duzzin help.
    ai send beems uf positivitee an “teh truth will owt” essenchial oyls yur wai.

    ai am bedderer an bedderer EXCEPT-WARNING BAD/SAD THING ABOUT TO BE SAID….wen ai juss kame hoem dere waz a sad site inn teh rode. nawt thare an our agoe. ai wend hoem an got a towlol an moved teh poor fing offa teh rode. ai hoep if it had an owner (stoopy wun) that teh owner sees an taeks caer uf. nawt wun frum mai seller.

    #54692 Reply

    annipuss
    Moderator

    Beems for you all. Loving hugs too.

    #54694 Reply

    Shepmom

    An uncountable number of prayers going up for you this week. Glad to know the dates so we can focus the beemerators!

    I know Blessed Julian’s words “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well” can seem trite when outcomes are uncertain, but all SHALL be well in that you and Jackie are deeply loved in this world.

    Holding deeply the images of vindication, celebration, and peace for both of you.

    Mqos, I’m so sorry you had to find such a sad sight. Including you in all my prayers and beems!

    #54737 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Jackie are off to catch train… court inna morning, too early to go then.

    Lawyer expecting “argument” tomorrow in court… was unsure until last minute whether the hearing was going to happen at all ’cause of some stuff I can’t talk about. Is possible it will run into Thursday.

    Jackie was supposed to stay with a friend… who just got home and found upstairs neighbour had a problem with his dishwasher and he’s effectively being booted out of his apartment for a week. Friend going to stay with his mom in Ottawa for the week. Feels so bad he’s insisting on getting Jackie settled in a hotel for the next couple of nights, and his income is better than ours and we rly can’t afford so have to let him. (How the bleep would anyone do this if on fixed income but without friends?!?!?) But if it runs a day late, we’re going to end up paying a night ourselves, somehow.

    Meanwhile, I get to sit here and try not to go crazy waiting. CC, give us a break, would ya?

    #54738 Reply

    Noodle

    Dials cc. “Ohai cc. Diz am noodle. Pleeze two b givin jackie an prysma a brake.” Okai prysma. Cc will gives u a brake. Dat wuz eezy.

    Ai luvs u boff wiv a fierce. Sendin extree hi strenf beemz >>>***××!!!****.

    #54740 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Plz to kill me. Jackie exhausted and feeling sick from stress. Took limited cash ’cause we expected her staying with friend. Turns out friend has less on credit card than he thought and we’re paying for a hotel room for at least two nights. I have anxiety attacks after phone calls but may have to call to use my prepaid credit card to get her into somewhere for the night. And she’s in srsly rough shape.

    #54741 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Plz to kill me. Jackie exhausted and feeling sick from stress. Took limited cash ’cause we expected her staying with friend. Turns out friend has less on credit card than he thought and we’re paying for a hotel room for at least two nights. I have anxiety attacks after phone calls but may have to call to use my prepaid credit card to get her into somewhere for the night. And she’s in srsly rough shape.

    #54742 Reply

    Shepmom

    Pleez to tell us bestest wai to send immediate help$. Ai are serious.

    #54743 Reply

    Noodle

    Sew r ai. Pleeze two let us help. Pleeze. U gotz mi email.

    #54744 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    She are settled – $150Can for two nights, is small and not much luxuries but it are clean and safe and not too far from courthouse. Is on card so she can keep cash for meals and transportation and stuff. I diddint even need to phone, she booked n paid for it online with her phone. Teh power of teh Interwebs!

    The good news is, lawyer says there is a chance, just a chance, she can persuade judge to toss the whole thing this week. Donut want to jinx it, but would appreciate if, starting around 10am Cheezthyme tomorrow, you could send the judge beems for reason and compassion and efficiency and to plz end this.

    As for monies… I pulled it out of my Ultra-Kitty-Emergency fund, which I hopeso will not need until I can rebuild it. (Jackie says, “Hey, I cannot be as important as a kitteh!” Jackie silly.) Unless the result of tomorrow is another series of indefinite monthly trips (dunno HOW I could keep Jackie sane through that, honestly!) then I think we be okay, maybe-probably. You guys be awsum and I love you but you have critters that need you to look after them and I are not asking for halps unless it gets rly dire. {{{{{{{shepmom n noodle n Cheezpeeps}}}}}} But cannot begin to tell you how much it means, having wonderful friends.

    #54745 Reply

    Shepmom

    *Gets out reserve beemerator and polishes it up. Sets beside regular beemerator for double-whammy ultra beems tomorrow.*

    Wii reelly duz wants to helpify. Pleez nawt to wait until really dire. Wii can haz compromise of somewhat, ever-so-slightly dire? Or even betterer, cans-almost-see-dire-on-the horizon?

    {{{{{{{{{{{PK and Jackie}}}}}}}}}}}

    Wii lubs yoo. Carry that close tomorrow.

    #54746 Reply

    Noodle

    PJ, Jessica an noodle luk evriware an finalle find da ulta deluxe beeminator in da hall kloset. Noodle setz its timer fore tumorro (can not trust hurself two member), an dialz settin two maximillion elebenty. Pleeze cc, set things rite agin. Thinkin ov u prysma an hour jackie. We stand wiv u, strong an proud.

    #54747 Reply

    maryqos
    Moderator

    ai’ll send teh ohai beems an reelie, dew let us help, yu give us such a gift uf a playse tew meat an play an laff an stuff, den wee kan show hour presheeashin an luv.

    #54748 Reply

    Shepmom

    Am dere any gnus?

    *hazza anxious*

    #54749 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    I sed some stuff here: https://cheezland.org/2018/03/what-you-mean/

    Waiting now… court back in session inna few minutes at half-past. Either over, or will continue to make life hell until at least July.

    #54750 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    I should be going out to get kitty noms and maybe even trying to do a little housework or something… cannot concentrate, just being here listening for Jackie and trying to keep spirits up when she can talk. Pet store open late, I’ll get there eventually.

    BTW, Freya’s gruntle is thoroughly dissed that her Jackie left her. Not stressed or crying, but totally cold-shouldering me.

    #54751 Reply

    maryqos

    ooohhhhh Freya’s got teh cattitude!

    ai’m watchin wen ai kan tew heer alsew….

    #54752 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Lawyer sed earlier to Jackie, “This whole case is making ME sick, can’t imagine what it’s doing to you.” She spent the break at the law library digging something up, guess she thought of something else. If it continues into July, next date would be in her planned holidays… she already promised to rearrange holidays if necessary. She rox. And she has a smart and observant along with a dedicated. So, trying to be optimistic.

    #54753 Reply

    maryqos

    hur sownds awesome. taht is grate!

    #54754 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Trying rly hard not to be pessimistic that they re-convened 45 minutes ago and no news. *sigh*

    Jackie asked, if judge tosses it, should she try to get home tonight or wait til tomorrow, since room paid for and train ticket already bought. I think even if she calls me in 5 minutes to tell me it’s over, she’s going to be too wrung-out for anything but going back to hotel and falling over. She’s in a LOT of pain, between stress and the fact that the awesome Canadian court system is less accessible to peeps with mobility limitations than the average downtown business in a 100-year-old limestone historical building.

    #54755 Reply

    Shepmom

    Court is slow…every session takes time, and more time. Procedures, documents…

    I think Jackie should rest where she is tonight. You two can burn up the phone lines tonight, and hopefully (please God) celebrate the * * out of everything tomorrow.

    #54756 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    *sigh* Recess again til 4:00.

    Lawyer getting ticked at Crown for being dismissive of her long list of issues and concerns etc. But then, lawyer’s been repeatedly ticked at things Crown has done, which would defy belief if I put them in a story.

    #54757 Reply

    Shepmom

    Okay… but “dismissive” not “dismissed” and recess means they’re still talking. So it’s not over yet in the sense that it could still be over today.

    Don’t lose hope! Fingers and paws crossed here, and I’m about to go pray another rosary.

    #54758 Reply

    maryqos

    waiting is the worst. Poor Jackie, yes she needs a night of rest and then home (please don’t tell Freya I suggested delaying Mama’s return).

    #54759 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    *sigh* Done for today, back at 10. Jackie’s off to pick up noms on the way back to the hotel to collapse.

    #54760 Reply

    Shepmom

    Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!

    #54761 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Can say that again.

    #54762 Reply

    puddy_tat

    in which case

    Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!

    beems for tomorrow

    #54763 Reply

    Shepmom

    Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemz

    #54764 Reply

    maryqos

    also beeemmmmmmmmmmmssssssss on ohaiiiiiiiiiiiii——————>>>>>>>>>>>>

    #54765 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Thanks… talked to her this morning early, only once briefly since they started at 10… all she said is that she can’t discuss it and things are “uncertain” *sigh A lot of stuff about this case is never allowed to be discussed, and I absolutely understand why, but it makes waiting brutal. It’s sorta looking like this nightmare’s going to continue at least into July and maybe longer. And when it ends, y’think there will be so much as a “sorry for ruining your physical and mental health, your finances, your ability to get another job ever around youth despite wanting badly to offer support you never got, and your public image along with putting you and your family through hell for a year and a half?” Fat chance… although maybe we’re better off knowing which friends were real ones and which were willing to turn on us.

    Sorry. Feeling sort of tired and bitter, and it’s hard trying to stay positive for Jackie.

    #54766 Reply

    annipuss
    Moderator

    It is brutally tough, my heart goes out to Jackie and to you. Hugs

    #54767 Reply

    noodle

    oh mai. member nao. da land ov cheez iz strong. whee cheezpeepz stand wiv u an jackie… nao an furevor.

    #54768 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Oh – Freya not cold-shouldering me anymore. Now she’s clingy.

    She has recently (just shy of 9 yrs old) figured out that it is not just safe to sit on Jackie or I when we have feets up, but we love it and are honoured she trusts us. She’s still a little hesitant about it, but once she settles in, she srsly stays.

    She held me down for SIX HOURS last night, and even then, I had to move her before I peed the chair, at nearly one ay-em. Two very brief breaks. I could barely walk when I got up. I think she wants me back there now, but I really do have to go get kitty noms.

    Bear, onna other paw, is cranky. Trick is basically just being Trick. Soooo glad Jackie will be home tonight, even if train doesn’t get in until after 10.

    My rule: never live with more cats than human hands.

    #54769 Reply

    Shepmom

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{PK and Jackie and fambly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Holding you in so much light today…

    #54771 Reply

    prysma
    Keymaster

    Good news is, sumfing promising happened today… but cannot tell. Not even if I moved to teh locked post wif teh password.

    Bad news is, Jackie gotta go back next week for a couple hours. Aaargh! Lawyer-lady dug in heels and said they could NOT do a 10am start time, that Jackie’s paying her own way back and forth and 10am means having to come the night before and pay for a hotel as well, so it’ll be just the train fare both ways. And the stress and physical discomfort, and things like cabs. *sigh*

    Trying to stay focused on actually having some good news, tho. Even if I can’t tell, just take my word for it, we has no end yet but we can has good news at least.

    And also, Jackie will be home inna few hours. That also is good news!

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 184 total)
Reply To: Not around lately
Your information:




Cheezland © 2012-2019 Frontier Theme